Hope4Peyton

Sitting in a hospital tonight with my husband, listening to the sound of his father’s restless stirring and the mechanical beeps that are uniquely hospital-driven, it reminded me that I have already laid down the law on my funeral.

And before you sit there and scratch your head thinking I’m really weird for having preferences about my funeral at thirty-five years old, just remember that I’ve had a LOT of time to think about my wishes.

Let’s see: I had a stroke at thirty, a toddler with cancer, more funerals in the last two years than I ever thought I’d attend in my lifetime, my mother’s pulmonary embolisms, my father’s open heart surgery and my father-in-laws myriad issues.

Sort of makes you glad you’re not me, doesn’t it?

WORD!

Ya’ll are just lucky I haven’t turned into a cutter.

I’ve had time to think about death and how I want mine to go and Peter has totally agreed to do it my way, should I go first.

Acting like it was such a generous thing.

DUDE, if I’m dead the least you can do is stick with the freaking plan!

And not to be terribly inappropriate at a time when Pete’s dad is so very sick (but really, how else would I be?), I know that I want my funeral to be a time of laughter.  I have made it a point to face the crap life has thrown us with a smile as often as we can.

I truly believe if you can’t find something to laugh about there’s just no reason to go on.

If you can’t find ONE reason to laugh at my funeral, I really don’t want you there.

So, in keeping with my last wishes, MY husband knows how I want it to go down and I will share it with you all so that you can make sure if I get hit by a falling piano tomorrow that he does it right.

I gave him ONE MILE to plan a Rube Goldberg device.

Sort of like this, but with a casket that drops into the ground at the end.

Yeah, and tell me that wouldn’t just about be the BEST funeral you ever went to!

And it sort of makes you wish I’d die JUST so you can see how it would work, doesn’t it?

It’s ok, I’m a little ticked off that I won’t be there to see it happen.

In a perfect world, I spend the next month leisurely packing and feeling relaxed and joyful about this upcoming move.

HOWEVER, I do not live in a perfect world…I don’t even live in the kind of world that things occassionally go easily and as planned….I HAVE seen it, I get post cards from there…but I never get to live there.

No one even invites me to visit.

We just stand on the opposite side of the road and throw rocks at the cars.

If I start to sound rant-y and stressed and anxiety-ridden and a wee tad crazy, that would be because I AM.

Totally.

162.6%

C.R.A.Z.Y.

Why?

Because my move was supposed to be pretty simple…we’ve only been planning it for sixteen months now.

But April sort of threw me for a loop.

Our spring break festivities were halted by my dad’s open heart surgery and sweet Maddie.

I flew out to LA to be there with Heather.

I came back just in time to take off for a week in GA so we could close on our house and get the house clean and functional, because BLESS his heart, my husband is good a lot of things, but those things are MY department.

Oh, and it’s teacher appreciation day at school, and as homeroom mom I am responsible to make sure the whole class prepares a home-cooked meal for the teacher? HAI!! I’m on a plane, here’s a Visa gift card. Buh-bye.

And I got home Thursday.

So that I could unexpectedly fly to Wisconsin on Sunday to deal with family issues that are weighing heavy on our hearts.

To come back so that the next day I can take Rachael on a field trip.

Then take Nathaniel on an overnight field trip to see a shuttle launch at Kennedy Space center.

Then drive everyone up to GA so we can paint and get the house prepped for us all to invade.

Then come home and plan a birthday party for my girl and a going away party (that is going to SUCK beyond all belief because I want to cry every time I even think about it).

And I had to buy a new suitcase because I accidentally killed mine.

And my girls cried tonight because they don’t want me to go on another trip.

Nathaniel curled up with me on the couch and wanted to know when I’d be back…repeatedly.

They made me pinky-blood-oath-promise to wake them up at 5 AM to say goodbye and give kisses and even the promise of some great present from WI could make them happy about it.

They miss me when I’m gone.

And that makes me both happy and terribly sad.

Because I miss them when I’m gone too.

OH, and did I mention I also have to have a bunch of stuff done to my house here in FL so that it can be ready for renters to move in when we move out?

The money is going so fast, there is so much to spend it on.

*now would be a great time to suddenly decide to click on the ads over there —> I could use the extra $12.00 this month.  HEH*

JOY.

I’m so tired.

FREAKING exhausted.

There is so much to do.

I haven’t packed the first box, I haven’t even BOUGHT the first box yet.

I did buy tape, though.

And trash bags.

And a bottle of vodka.

That’s all I need, right?

*sigh*

*double sigh*

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Don’t forget to enter for the $250 Visa gift card on my review site!

*If you didn’t start humming that song, I just don’t even know if I can be friends with you anymore*

So, here it is…all 7 minutes of it, so it’s long and rambly, but if you want to tour the Casa de Mayhew, have a gander.

A “gander” <—heh, I’m getting my Georgia lingo on already!

Our new house from Anissa Mayhew on Vimeo.

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If you’d like a chance to win a $250 Visa gift card head on over to my review site!

Oh HAI!

Remember that chick that used to write here with some regularity?

The one that might or might not have promised to finish a post about the Whirlwind weekend…which, JUST because it says “Part 1” does not contractually bind the blogger to produce a “Part 2″…it’s just implied.

You heard rumors of photos of the kids with Mike Alstott and them getting their dolphin love on?

You might have had heard that a house was purchased….and there MIGHT be video of it to be posted at an undetermined date when internet access isn’t being held hostage by all the Starbuck’s and Paneras locations, rendering it eleventy-billion percent unavailable in other places…like, say, houses.

*makes graphic, ugly finger gestures at the south Georgia Interwebs*

SO, if there is anyone still reading this blog by the time all the loose ends have been wrapped up and the writer is back in the warm, comforting bosom of Verizon broadband, thanks for hanging tight…real posts are forthcoming*, blogs will be read, comments will be posted, emails will be answered and phone calls returned.

Someday.

Soon!

Or soon-ish.

Let’s just leave it at that.

*The terms "real posts" and "forthcoming" are also implied*

Holy CRAP.

The kids and I began a marathon of activity Thursday night that has left me sore, exhausted and in deep need of a pedicure. I haven’t had time to blog, sleep or think and it’s just going to get better!

This is long, rambly, unorganized, not very well written and I almost NEVER post a complete novel in one sitting, and I totally apologize for that.  But I couldn’t let this crazy weekend pass us by without sharing it all.

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Thursday

We attended the kickoff for the Mike Alstott Family Foundation event. An annual event that benefits a charity that will forever hold a piece of my heart, the Children’s Cancer Center. One of Peyton’s art pieces went up for live auction and we went so she could show it off and represent the CCC as a cancer survivor. YEAH, those are sweet sweet words.

Would you like to know how much her painting sold for? $850!

Would you like to know who bought it? One Mr. Mike Alstott himself.

*there ARE photos forthcoming, but I forgot my camera (I KNOW!) and I’m waiting on them*

It was bittersweet for me, as they acknowledged that our family would soon be moving away *more about that later* and it hit me that this would probably be one of our last big events for the CCC. I can’t begin to explain all the ways the CCC has supported our family, but suffice to say, and this is no exaggeration, I KNOW that if we hadn’t had them in our lives throughout Peyton’s treatment, we would not be the people we are today. My kids would not have gotten through this with as many smiles and laughs and moments to just be kids as they did. Peter and I would have struggled, more than we DID, without the reassuring knowledge that it wasn’t just us fumbling along, doing our best, often feeling like we were failing.

I can’t write anymore about that right now, because it feels like I’m telling them goodbye already and THAT makes me want to just curl up and weep on the floor. *sigh*

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Friday

The Alstott event got out SO late that when Friday morning rolled around the kids and I agreed that it seemed a mighty fine day to play hooky. Now, I’m ALL for responsibilities and doing what has to be done….but there’s just some days you have to leave it all behind and go have some fun.

And we did. And it was just what we needed. The next few weeks are amping up to be chaotic and busy and I know I’m going to have my hands overfull…so every moment I CAN take to concentrate on the kids, I have to.

So a movie day out to see Earth and a whole lot of nothing ensued…school? Who needs school when you got $623 in popcorn and soda!

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Saturday

For those of you that aren’t a part of the blogging community, you’ll may never fully grasp what happened in the days following the announcement of Maddie Spohr’s death.

Heather and Mike shared Maddie with the world. They were in love with their baby and they understood the unmeasurable value of ever day with her.  They opened up their lives to the world to share their awe at being parents to this little girl.  The world was awed in return.

Much in the way so many of you have reached out and told me that Peyton has touched your lives and you feel so close to our family through this blog, I felt the same about Maddie.  I never got to meet her, I never got to touch her curls or make her laugh (oh and we WOULD have laughed until one of us peed our pants), but I knew her and loved her.

It seems the entire internet felt the same way.  Over 50 March of Dimes Walk for Babies teams formed in Maddie’s honor since April 7th, raising over $50,000 dollars nationwide. Money was raised to help with the expenses of Maddie’s funeral services.  Bloggers flew in from all over the country and Canada to sit side by side with the Spohr’s family and oldest friends.

Because Maddie touched us all.

My family welcomed a sleepover with my blogging buddy Shari who came in from Orlando to join us for the March of Dimes walk in Maddie’s honor on Saturday morning.

It’s such a unique experience having someone who knows about the ins and out of your kids’ lives from reading your blog actually get to MEET your kids.  You wonder if you represent their personalities, if you can ever fully tell someone what it’s like to be the shine of their smile. I do the best I can to capture it for you, but I realized that no matter how many pictures, videos and tales I share, Shari didn’t truly KNOW my kids until she’d hugged them and watched them try to impress her with their goofy antics.

I felt sad because no matter how often I saw Maddie’s pictures and giggled with Heather over the videos with Maddie talking and dancing, I will never have that chance to truly know her. If I loved her with the small pieces I had, how much greater would my love for her have been? I feel like I’ve missed out on something wonderful.

Ok, the walk? Went GREAT!  Tampa turned out in style and the crowd was huge.  Our team represented well, with tshirts bearing Maddie’s name and face (although I didn’t get mine because the stupid shirt company that promised me mine would be here on Friday FAILED me!) and all the purple we could muster. I had the honor of walking with some truly wonderful and compassionate people and I know new friendships were made, established ones strengthened as we shared our grief and spent this time trying to make a small difference in the world.

Anyone who has ever argued that online friendships aren’t every bit as strong and real as IRL “In Real Life” friendships can BITE ME!

Picture from MorningsideMom

Picture from CrazedMommy

Photo from MorningsideMom

I have more to share, my kids got to play with dolphins and we spent some great time with the Mike Alstott family again at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium and the pictures? DIVINE!

But right now?  I’m about to pass out, I’m leaving you hanging for now to go get my sleep on.

Oh, but I will drop this for those that don’t know, I’m driving to GA tomorrow for the closing on our house on Monday. Holla!!  Yeah, it’s definite and we’re really finally moving.  I can’t wait to get those keys in my hand and start packing the first boxes.

Which, if anyone wants to come help, I provide beer and pizza to my endentured servitude.

I am MADE of kind, yo!