Every year I give Peter to his mistress. She comes in the late summer and stays until winter. She is coy and fickle, leaving him often frustrated and angry, but few things bring him greater exhilaration.
I share this with you now because the NFL season is about to start. And I am about to say goodbye to him again. Perhaps it won’t be such a jarring departure since he won’t be here most Sundays to rage and crow at the TV. He will be cozy in his football love shack in Alabama, spooning with his pre-game analysis and post-game wrap-ups.
Early in our marriage I realized that if I ever wanted to have a conversation with my hubs during football season, I was going to have to talk his lingo. I would have to be able to argue the benefits of the passing game vs the rushing game, I would need to recognize the critical moment its better to chance the 2 point conversion. I would have to move beyond cheering for the team with the prettiest helmets.
The things I have done to make this marriage work.
The year came when I decided that I would no longer stand to the side and allow my husband to be stolen away from me. I would put up a fight!
I joined his fantasy football league.
For those of you unfamiliar…relish your blessed unawareness….fantasy football is a game. You pick and choose real life players onto your “team”, based on their action on the field “your” players put up points. You are playing against another team with their hodgepodge of players, hoping that your team puts up more points than theirs…giving you the sweet victory. It all leads to the fantasy football superbowl, a trophy and smack talk privileges for the rest of the year.
Yeah.
I do this.
I am the only woman in our league. I am given permission to enter “the man room”…which, seriously, the first year they asked me if I’d be ok with making my draft picks from the hallway…ensuring the sanctity of the MAN ROOM. I worked my estrogen laden mojo all over that place, using coasters and making sure the toilet seat was DOWN. Last year I took a crock pot of dip. Next year it’s a PowerPoint presentation on the benefits of manscaping. I’m breaking down the wall.
I just want you all to know that I have a kick-butt team this year.
I am going to bring home the trophy for all the wives out there, making sandwiches and recycling beer cans, listening to their husbands give their hearts and souls to a bunch of 250 pound men in tights.
on Aug 27th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
As long as the crock pot dip was 80-90% cheese, you should be fine. If it was one of those ones where they hide the fact that it’s all artichoke hearts and light sour cream, well then you deserve whatever they did to you. Dip is supposed to be cheese, and failing that, beans.
SciFi Dads last blog post..An Open Letter To All Mommies
on Aug 27th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Go you! We all have our way of dealing with this horrible, horrible, time of year I guess. Around here, not only do I have to deal with football season, but baseball season as well. Between my son and my husband I don’t know who’s worse.
My way of tolerating this crap is to find a hot guy. My football hot guy is Terrell Owens. I LUV him. When he was traded to the Eagles I woke up my son at 4:00 am and we drove hours away to their training camp. I got to ogle him in real life. Now I’m all about GO DALLAS!
My hot baseball guy is Jonathan Papelbon. I recently found a shirt online that says “Jonathan Papelbons real wife.” I will wear this out in public with my husband.
Finding a hot guy makes sports much more tolerable and sometimes even enjoyable.
on Aug 28th, 2008 at 8:08 am
You GO girlie!!!! This is my second year in FF and I LOVE it. Last year I pretty much picked the team by myself. This year I am partnering with my dad to let him see how exciting it is. He did all the leg work (of who to pick) and we had the draft a couple weeks ago. I’m very happy with who we both decided on. Can’t wait for the season to start so he can really see how it works! We’ll have to keep in touch after each “football week” and let each other know how we are doing. =) Kudos to you toots!!!!!
on Aug 28th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I’m a hockey widow and the fantasy draft is coming up in a few weeks. *big sigh* – I admire you joining but I have yet to get to that point. I’m a fan but he is a fanatic. Good luck though I’m sure you don’t need it – you probably have a total kickbutt team.
on Aug 28th, 2008 at 10:29 am
You rock, girl! If you can’t beat ’em then join ’em.
on Aug 28th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Oh, it’s so timely that you write this. Just this past weekend my friend Sacramento Steve was yanking me to sign up for his fantasy player league. I said I just don’t have time…and he said “Whatever…woman.”
Which is what he said to me in Oahu when him and his buddies were jumping off cliffs and i was putting sun block on my elbows…
And now YOU have to join…
Now i look really, really, bad.
p.s. I’m so fwding this post to him. 🙂
PAPAs last blog post..Cravings
on Aug 28th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
My sister does fantasy baseball every year. Actually, I admire your fortitude. Being in a closed room with farting and burping men is quite the sacrifice for the sanctity of your marriage.
You are such a good woman… and they love your “girls” too. 🙂
Celia, Darlings last blog post..Obsession Update
on Aug 28th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Good for you haha
Kelseys last blog post..::Emeray Beckham Vs. Soccer Dolls::
on Aug 28th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
My husband’s mistress is the NFL’s younger sister, College football. I wonder if they ever double date together?
Shamelessly Sassys last blog post..Vocabulary Violation
on Aug 28th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
You go!!! My husband, thank God, doesn’t really watch football. Or any sports outside of cycling. (But I can handle that)
Melisas last blog post..This Afternoon’s Tears Are For A Different Reason.
on Aug 28th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Bring it home for the girlies Anissa!!!!!
Double Agent Girls last blog post..Photography
on Aug 29th, 2008 at 12:20 am
Anissa, you’re our only hope!
Should I ask what manscaping is?
on Aug 29th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Just don’t pick any NY Jets. No good can come of it.
always home and uncools last blog post..Slip ‘n Slidin’ Away
on Aug 30th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
you ROCK!!!!
up here in Canada, we share our husbands with hockey and hockey pools. (We call them “pools” not fantasy)
I have never been so cool as you are to join them though.
on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 5:17 pm
I so admire you – FF – I don’t have the guts for that. Maybe you could run a tutorial or a girls school kind of thing to get the rest of us up and running. The NFL season is such a lonely time of year.
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