There are days it seems that each step forward just takes us one two steps back. We are so very blessed to have encouraging friends and family surrounding us each day, to keep us on track and to lift us when we fall. We have our children and each other to rely on day in and day out, to laugh and cry and battle and comfort. We have God on our side, that’s the single most important tool we wield each day to get through.
I try to hold the good days inside to mull over when we have days like today. In fact, sometimes I have to just close my eyes and swim around in complete denial. It might not be an effective coping device, but it IS a coping device, right? I had a fantastic morning. Peyton slept well last night, she was in a fantastic mood this morning. We had plans to go to breakfast with our friends Lisa Bedrosian and her son Isaac. We passed our fliers for Team Peyton and got a bunch of positive responses from people who were jazzed to join up and be a part of our Relay team. I am so excited about that.
Breakfast was beautiful. It was a time when Lisa just encouraged me and helped me regroup. She shared concerns that she and other friends have had for my family and hopes to help us out in different ways. It touched me so deeply that I really didn’t know what to say or how to respond to that. Me! Not with the talking….I know, crazy, huh? But yeah, I was just so overwhelmed by their goodness and lovingness (I want you to know that spell check did not try to correct that word at all, I’m surprised) that I just let the tears fall and let it heal some of the stress I’ve had the past few days.
Since Tuesday when the waiting game began to see if Peyton’s counts would rebound, I’ve felt stretched out, just pulled to the emotional max. I took the kids to the grocery store and had to go by the paper aisle and buy a box of Kleenex because I started bawling in the soup aisle. It freaked them out and I felt bad, but I just couldn’t control it. I couldn’t explain to them either. I couldn’t make them understand that Mom was jus stressed out and overwhelmed and scared and freaked out a bit myself. Peyton told me she would pray for me….it fixed a lot….and then she asked if I could go ahead and make dinner now….I don’t know if she meant she was praying that I would feel better or if she was praying that I would make dinner. Either way, I made dinner. And I got through the day.
But my morning was just full of happy. Good friends and positive attitudes and the right words and God’s love just being showered down on me.
Followed promptly by the sounds of our next bump in the road. I’m praying for extra strength through this because while it’s not one of the cancer-quality bumps, but it’s a definite speed bump in the road of our life. It’s not health, it’s not a make or break problem, it’s just one of those “you’ve got be kidding me that this would happen right now of all times” kind of things. Pete’s car was making all these funky noises and we took it to the mechanic with feelings of dread in our hearts. With good reason, because the report came back that the engine is toast. It seized and has to be completely replaced. We have a warranty on the car, but of course we now have to fight with the company to make sure that they will cover the cost of the repair because they’re going to find every way they can to get out of doing it. We know that God is in the details, we’re just praying that he’s into Pontiacs also. I don’t know how this is going to play out, but I’m working hard to concentrate on the wonderful morning that God provided me to bring my spirit up so that it could handle what was going to happen next.
f.r.o.G…fully relying on God
—Anissa
Peytonism for the week "I like potato chips. They're hungry, shiny and delicious."
