Peyton looked like crap last night.
Walking through the store where she started complaining that her tummy hurt, I looked at her.
REALLY looked at her.
Her skin? Sheet white.
Her eyes? Deep grey circles under.
Just overall feeling like a bucket of poo.
Of course, my heart sinks to the tips of my toes.
And I know that she was tired because we were out and about way too late….and her tummy hurt because we ate at Ci-Ci’s pizza…and she’s still adjusting to the move and the summer schedule.
But WHEN do I get to start NOT automatically going there? I’m ready to stop looking at every little thing as a sign, a symptom. Crazy train? I’m ready to get off!
She gets to just feel like crap.
She gets to just be tired.
She gets to run around like any other kid and be all banged up.
One day it’ll stop being cancer everywhere I freaking look.
I’m really trying.
She goes to the new clinic on Tuesday for her monthly checkup and bloodwork and it’ll soothe all my craziness for another thirty days.
Right?
on Jun 27th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Posts like this make it harder that you’re far away.
hug.
Marias last blog post..surgery, adam sandler, twitter, my vagina, and sunscreen
on Jun 27th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
((hugs)) my friend. Oodles of hugs. I can’t even begin to imagine the panic that probably rocketed through you. xoxo
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: The Flying Edition
on Jun 27th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
I’m gonna say about the time she turns 25 and gets married. But that’ll just bring new things to freak out about, so…well, you have to go senile eventually. I guess about then.
Yay for being a good mom!
MonsteRawrs last blog post..Somebody Kick My Jukebox, Please
on Jun 27th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
I can only imagine , I was wondering that myself, when Ezra’s treatment is over for how many years I would worry that every little thing was cancer. Or when we go for labs waiting with anxiety that something may return….its so far away for me though. Its nice to listen to your stories so I can know what to expect.
Beths last blog post..Thought Provoking Thursday
on Jun 27th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Love to you Anissa.
on Jun 27th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
I’m sorry to say, but you’ll probably always worry because you’ve lived it. All of you have been through hell and came out the other side smiling.
You are one of the toughest women I know.
Amos last blog post..Vacationing with the Davis’s…you’re jealous.
on Jun 27th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Maybe one day you won’t automatically think like that. Maybe you always will in some way. I don’t know, but I think it makes since. Some fears never go away. That being said, I think kids feel like crap sometimes and I’m glad you are taking her in, so you have some peace of mind.
Hugs Anissa, tons of hugs.
Issas last blog post..For Meghan
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 12:38 am
It takes a while. Like, maybe years? I mean that in the best way. With Noah, any time I heard a thud or any sort of thudding sound or odd sound (which happens a lot in a house with kids) my heart would have a mini-attack. And it would feel like I would faint. He has been almost 5 yrs seizure free and I have to say that I finally have let my guard down. Although I am always on alert. It just rolls off more, the peace is here. I’ve had that peace for a while. It will come.
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..What To Do If Your Child Swallows A Penny
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 7:35 am
I can only imagine. It will take a while, and I don’t suppose it will ever go away completely. But I have to believe it will get better. ((hug))
Musings of a Housewifes last blog post..Tiger Woods, we are not.
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Here’s hoping right along with you that she is okay. xoxo
Karen Sugarpantss last blog post..Compassion
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Dear Peyton,
Sorry to hear that you weren’t feeling well.
I hope that you are feeling better.
I am sending hugs to you and your family.
Dan
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
I am so sorry you have this worry but it is one of the ways we prepare ourselves for tramas. In thinking thru the worst things that happen we mentally see ourselves taking the steps to see thru the issues, hopefully you won’t face this hurdle with Peyton’s health for real! We are all praying & pulling for your family.
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
I worry constantly without reason and Chase is only 5 weeks old. All I can say is you can always turn to your interwebs friends for support when you feel the crazies comin on.
Jens last blog post..Chase – Month 1
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
I miss you! I could use that hug in person. BAD.
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
thanks, sweetie!
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
OMG, she’s probably going to want to have sex after she gets married. *brain explodes*
on Jun 28th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
((((hugs))))
Jozet at Halushkis last blog post..More Importantly, How Does This Affect Jozet?
on Jul 30th, 2009 at 6:02 am
[…] Didn’t we just do this but with a side of paranoia and a big heaping scoop of […]