Guestpost: “If I didn’t write this post, you’d have to see me on the toilet” by Miss Britt

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for Anissa.

Sure, I’m busy.  I run two blogs of my own and write for a couple more.

I have two small children and a husband who demand ridiculous amounts of my time and energy.

I barely have time to sleep or eat or – well, OK, I always have time to eat.  And sleep, actually.  Naptimes are remarkably easy to fit into a schedule.  It’s the exercising and the cleaning and the laundry that I never seem to have enough time for.  Which obviously means I am busy.  And not lazy.  Busy.

ANYway, my point is that I am a busy, busy girl.

And yet, here I am, guest posting for Anissa while she is busy moving away from me.

Because, as I said, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.

Anissa is lovely and funny.

She’s charming and fun and inspiring.

She’s generous and loving and giving.

She’s kind of a big deal on the Internet.

And she’s blackmailing me.

No, really.  People always joke about being blackmailed or say things like “the check is in the mail!” – but they don’t mean it.  They’re just making little jokes.  Just lighthearted humor about one person holding something over another person’s head in order to exploit and coherce said person.

But I assure you, blackmail is no laughing matter.

Blackmail is the dirty secret of Friendship.  It’s the seedy underbelly of the blogosphere!  (And I know that sentence doesn’t make sense but I think it sounds very ominous.)

My point is, blackmail is bad.

It is what happens when you decide to have margaritas at dinner before going shopping with your girlfriends.  It is what happens when you are shopping with your girlfriends after having had a few margaritas at dinner and you suddenly realize that there is nothing else in the world you want as badly as to pee.  Right now.  It is what happens when you decide that you have to pee in the bathroom at the outlet mall and you are giggling from the margaritas and you holler out from behind your locked bathroom stall “HA!  TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS!”  It is what happens when you are peeing and giggling in a bathroom stall and hollering about pictures, loudly and in public, and suddenly you hear giggling and clicking noises coming from up above you, and you look up to a very fancy camera hanging over the wall of the adjoining stall.

And you realize that Anissa is taking a picture of you sitting on a toilet.

And even though that fancy digital camera was destroyed by a water issue later that same night, somehow that picture of you sitting on a toilet manages to survive.

And from that moment on you are obligated to do whatever is asked of you because Anissa now owns both a picture of you sitting on a toilet AND a blog, and she has made it known that she is not afraid to use both of them.

That, my friends, is blackmail.

And so, here I am.  Guest posting for Anissa.

I am also in the process of taking over her new mortgage, sending her expensive gifts, and legally changing the names of my children to Anissasita and Anissa May.

Which is incredibly tragic because one of those children is a boy.

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Ahhh, power is a heady thing.  With great power comes great responsibility.

With great leverage comes GREAT.FREAKING.POWER!

I love me some Miss Britt….and even more? I love having her under my thumb.

So, just as a reminder…this isn’t the one she’s talking about, but I HAZ it!!!

Love you, Britt…thanks for all the memories..the ones we’ve made and the ones yet to BE.

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And for those wondering?  I am *obviously* still alive and I will again someday soon have the time to actually blog something of my own.  But OHTHEBOXES!! They are eating my brain!  and WHY are there dishes with the movies? AND really? did we need to pack a “Sorry” game missing 3/4 of the pieces?  *SIGH*