Last month, just moments before we were getting ready to say goodbye to our Florida life I was musing to Pete about how fast it all seemed to be happening. Buying the new house, packing the old house, the end of school, the going-away party…it just seemed to be whirling by at the speed of light.
Pete gave me the I-can’t-believe-you-just-said-that-and-I-think-you-might-be-utterly-insane-and-I-can’t-quite-believe-I’m-married-to-a-loon-like-you.
I know. That’s quite a look isn’t it? You should see it in action.
“Anissa. It’s been eighteen months.”
Well…it DID seem fast there at the end! Eighteen months or not, it was a strange mix of time flying by me and moments that couldn’t pass fast enough.
Part of that? Is my inability to cope with change.
I know, I know. I’ve really done noting BUT deal with uproarious change for the past few years and that goes a long way to how well I handled the whole job/move/lifechange.
It took me eighteen months to get a grasp on moving and actually embrace it.
EIGHTEEN MONTHS.
Well, I have another pretty significant change coming up.
Again, it’s been in the works for a long time, but the actual execution both thrills me and freaks me O.U.T.
I’ll be retiring this site soon.
There. I said it. I’ve alluded to it, I’ve hinted at it and I’ve known in my heart that it’s the right time to do this….but that’s the first time I’ve come right out and said it.
I’m going to stop writing at this site.
This site that has given me a place to dump my fears, my laughter, my happiness and my anger. This site has been a place where I both gave and recieved tremendous support. This site became a part of my family…it became a huge part of my identity.
When I started writing in this space, I had no idea where it would take me. I was a frightened mother trying to make sense of concepts that were mystifying…cancer, chemo, my child’s mortality, my role in it, would we survive it, would she?
It was never supposed to bring in an “audience”, nor was it supposed to spark a creative need that had lain quietly inside me. It wasn’t supposed to become my voice anymore than I was supposed to become a writer.
It all just happened.
Now I’m planning to move to another internet space.
A place that won’t be a daily reminder of the cancer that has BEEN our lives for so long.
A place that I’m hoping will let me start healing from the fears I live with every day.
A place that my two children not named Peyton won’t feel slighted.
A place that won’t make me feel like I’m holding onto it because I’m going to need it again.
A place that will allow me to talk more freely because there are things I’ve felt awkward talking about or sharing because this site is so much intertwined with the lives of other cancer kids.
I won’t shut this site down, it’ll still be live and available for any family that comes along searching for a flare of hope. I can’t say that I won’t ever write here again after I move to the other site.
But it’s time.
I’ll share the new site information soon.
In the meantime, I’m gritting my teeth and getting ready for another big change.
I hate change.
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 1:23 am
You have a place in my trailer park girl, over on whitetrashmom.
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 1:26 am
This is so exciting! Congratulations on both of the big moves 🙂
Amy, Resourceful Mommys last blog post..Wii Can Be Fit with #KidsWeigh – Learn and Win!
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 1:31 am
18 months!
That’s a lot of change in that time!
As for retirement of hope4peyton – completely understandable.
I love that you’re keeping it up and I look forward to following you along to your new venture!
Rebecca Joness last blog post..Baseball Season
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 1:55 am
Change is not a bad word!! So excited for you! I love when people follow their calling!! Good luck to you and I will follow wherever you go–ok, that sounded stalkerish–not like that!!
Heidis last blog post..It’s Official!
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 2:07 am
Fresh starts are exciting and terrifying! Looking forward to coming along for the ride!
Angel Smiths last blog post..Survivor.
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 7:39 am
Can’t wait to read you at your new place.
MommyGeeks last blog post..If you see me at BlogHer
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 9:15 am
AGH! You are on a moving ROLL, aren’t you?
Kylas last blog post..The Great Big Medical Round-Up
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I think that makes a lot of sense. I started a separate blog just for Ezra, so my other blog wouldn’t become all about my sick child. We will all follow you over to the new one, look forward to it!
Beths last blog post..Thought Provoking Thursday
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I just found you online a few months ago, so just be sure to let us all know your new web home! Like everyone else said, change is good! Can’t wait to see what you’ll be writing. :>
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Scary saying out loud…putting it out on the table huh? I stopped on Laney’s site…didn’t like it but like you, it was time.
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 11:58 am
For a second there I though you were saying you were done. As in done. phew.
Change is scary. But it can be good too. Can’t wait to see what you do with your new digs.
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Change is both good and hard (that’s what she said)…
Congrats on on the new space. Can’t wait to read!
Allisons last blog post..Bridesmaid Story 2
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Wherever you are, consider me there! xoxox
sam {temptingmama}s last blog post..The day I spewed my heirarchy of suffering* all over the internet
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I’ve had the same thoughts about the blog thing too. Is it time to move on? Ack! So I’m glad you’re going to do it, then you can tell me what I should do, mkay?
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Awesome, Anissa!
I love you’re reason most of all for retiring the blog and moving on. That you will not allow cancer to define your life anymore
How powerful!
Rock on, sister! Get your groove on! 🙂
papas last blog post..BirdSong
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Congrats! I don’t do change well either so I completely understand. Sometimes you just need to rip the bandaid off before you can give yourself too much time to consider it.
I also thought for a minute there you were going to say you were done done! SCARY!! Can’t wait to follow you to the new site 🙂
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Make sure you tell us where you land, because I heart you.
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
I’ll miss it but I hope you never NEED this site ever again too!
Look forward to reading you wherever you end up.
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Congratulations on the big move. Being one that detests change, I always admire people who can “Change” things, and have a good reason.
dbs last blog post..Seeing it how it is
on Jul 10th, 2009 at 12:06 am
Change is hard but I’m sure it will be worth it. Can’t wait to see your new place in the blogosphere.
Amy @ Atlanta with Kids last blog post..Chattahoochee Nature Center with Kids
on Jul 10th, 2009 at 1:48 am
This is a great change!
XOXO
Jessicas last blog post..LEGOLAND California & Carlsbad Inn Beach Resort Giveaway
on Jul 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am
This is change for all the right reasons. See you at the new pad!
always home and uncools last blog post..Dog. Me. God?
on Jul 10th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Congrats on moving foward in many ways! How exciting! I will be following you there….
melissas last blog post..bostonmama79: @iamdebra LOL! now GO PLAY!
on Jul 10th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
CAN’T WAIT!
Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundrys last blog post..Measured
on Jul 10th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Congrats on all your big changes. I know change is unsettling, but often it’s GOOD!
Wendys last blog post..Messages from the Mothership
on Jul 11th, 2009 at 9:47 am
I’m not sure there is such a thing as change. There is only life and our progression through it. Thank goodness! How awful would it be to be stuck in the same place forever?
Congratulations on the move and looking forward to the new site!
debras last blog post..I have lost my way
on Jul 11th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
You go, girl! I am so proud for you! I have no doubt that this will be a cathartic move for you and I am looking forward to the new digs!
Jannas last blog post.."Maybe Something Exciting Will Happen…"
on Jul 11th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
I almost freaked out reading you were shutting this site down till I read you were going to open another one. I started a blog but I’ve only made one entry and it’s boring:) I hate change to but alas life is like that saying: the only thing constant is change. I’m back in FL; I’m back to full-time work; I’m back to having no sleep. Of course that all, even the FL part, describes to me a SAHM who lives in FL:) I miss being a SAHM mom but I have to work. I want to work but I also have to work. Maybe I should put this all in my blog as the 2nd entry? I think I’ll try. Again, glad to hear you’ll have a new blog soon and may you and your be blessed. Bye!
on Jul 12th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Looking forward to seeing the new site! I can imagine you have many mixed emotions but am glad to see you moving forward and starting a new chapter with excitement. 🙂
Trishs last blog post..Persistence Pays Off!
on Jul 13th, 2009 at 12:14 am
I’m not a fan of change, but I do love new beginnings. I can’t wait to come with you. 😉
Faiqas last blog post..Nesting
on Jul 13th, 2009 at 7:38 am
WOW! That’s huge! But good for you. I can’t wait to see it. 🙂