All plans are subject to change

Today was a hard day, just letting the reality of another child gone sink in and start the process of trying to cope with that loss. And that’s just my feeling of pain and loss, which pales in comparison to Delaney’s family. How can I complain about steroids, aches and pains and all the stuff that seems minor in the face of what they’re going through. At least I still have my girl to worry about and to go through this with, wouldn’t they gladly take on the effects of cancer and chemo to have her back in their arms? What do I really have to complain about?

Tomorrow I’m picking up Hailey and Maddie Bridges on my way into the Children’s Cancer Center for Little Tales. Their mom has had to go back to work and I can take them with me for some fun play time and it should be a good playdate. They’re such sweet girls and I’m hoping that they know me well enough to be ok to leave with me. I think once we get there they’ll be happy they did. Little Tales will still be play time for the kids, but it will also be a time for all the grown ups to get together to make ribbons for Delaney’s service. It’s something we do when a child passes, the staff and families and volunteers get together and we have this time to share our love for the child while preparing this last gift in their memory. The ribbons will be worn by the attendees of the funeral, they will be gold symbolizing childhood cancer and red, Delaney’s favorite color.

I am dangerous with a glue gun, so hopefully I’ll just get a nice safe job putting them in the basket or something. When we did this after Hannah passed, I joked with her mom Lisa that there was literally a little piece of me in each ribbon…more like a piece of my scorched gluey skin stuck to it.

I had to make a rough decision today. With Delaney’s service and the widespread flu issue in Indiana, I had to choose not to make the trip north to my grandfather’s birthday party. I am heartbroken because I was so looking forward to this time with my family, most of whom I haven’t seen in 3 years. But I’m not willing to put Peyton at risk for the flu when it is so bad up there. I’m so sad about not being with my family, but this is our life and these are the choices we have to make.

I got a great call from the kid’s school today. I made the choice to register them for school next year in the event that our move is postponed into the school year. In that case, I don’t want to have to move them to a new school for X amount of months just to move them north.

The school got confused, they called and were like “ummmm, we thought you were moving.”

“I am, but I want to make sure the kids have a spot if we end up needing it.”

“Oh. Is everything alright at home?”

“Yeah, we’re fine, it’s just in case the move takes longer than expected.”

“Mrs. Mayhew, we’re here for you if you need anything and we’re glad to get the children registered for next year.”

It took me a few minutes to realize what was wrong with that phone call. Then it hit me. It was the tone of her voice.

I do believe that my kid’s school thinks that Peter has left me, we’re not really moving up to be with him and that I’m in some weird denial! I can have sooo much fun with that.

And for those of you who were so curious….Peyton waved that IPod box in front of Rachael’s face before I could wrestle it out of her hand. She taunted her profusely. I threatened to beat her if she didn’t knock it off. Rachael gave an indifferent sniff and just looked away. I was so proud of her for not taking the bait.

After it had all settled down though she came over and just nonchalantly threw it out there that I have an IPod, Nathaniel got Pete’s old IPod for Christmas and now Peyton has an IPod……hmmm, isn’t that interesting, mommy?? I dropped the subtle hint that someone has a birthday coming up….May….but that’s still coming up….and she lit up.

I can just see it now. If an IPod doesn’t appear for a birthday present she’ll probably just have a spontaneous implosion.

f.r.o.G.
–Anissa