Simple pleasures

My daughter has cancer and I can honestly say this is the best time of my life. I know that will sound weird, and maybe a bit wrong, but in a very real way it is true.

I spent a half an hour today just watching Peyton smile and laugh and we laid on the couch and sang songs and we ate lunch together and I realized that I was given the chance to learn what it means to truly love my family. Not just love them in the wholehearted way a mother loves their child, but in the gut-wrenching, all-consuming way you find you hold every single moment precious when you realize that their mortality is more than an abstract concept. It's real. They could die, or I could die, and do I want to even think that I didn't spend my time with them making every second count?

Oh, it's not possible to enjoy every moment with them, nothing like two kids fighting like caged tigers in the backseat at 8:00 in the morning. It's impossible not to huff a little when you've told them 4 times to brush their teeth and you can still smell their breath from across the room. Finding homework at the bottom of a backpack that should have been turned in 4 days ago, whining about wanting hot dogs instead of green beans, waking me up at 2 AM to see if they can crawl in bed with me…..it wears on a person's patience. But I treasure it, because the moment I think that it could be gone, I say a prayer of thanks for it. It simply means we're together and that's a gift from God. Every day is a gift….treat it as such.

I watched Rachael laughing with her friends at dance class today, all flashing eyes and dimples, the whole group of them giggling and enjoying each other. Nathaniel came up behind me and laid his head on my shoulder and gave me the slightest hug (not too obvious, his friends might see) and whispered that he loved me. Peter and I talked on the porch tonight about how it almost feels like the best days ever these days because we get so much happiness and sweetness out of the littlest things.

There's a lot of things that aren't great and are out of our control. We have plumbing issues, we had to have work done on our truck, the house is a mess, our dog smells bad, Peyton's going to get a lot worse before she gets better AND I broke my toe! But our preacher said a valuable thing, and it didn't mean as much to me then as it does now. Basically he said that we have to learn to be thankful to God in all things, good and bad. I don't know if we necessarily have to learn to be jumping up and down in our seats in joy when bad things happen, but I have figured out that I'm learning to find good in the bad things that happen to me. I plan to make sure I always keep these thoughts and feelings close to my heart because it's probably the most important thing I've learned from this experience.

Thank you to each person who's kindness has touched us and for every prayer that has been said on our behalf. The strengh and love we receive is also a gift and for that we are truly thankful.

Ok…enough mush mush for one night! I'm taking Peyton to her Grandmother's tomorrow and I'm getting my hair done…and for that I will be truuuuuuly thankful! hahahaha

—-Anissa